When I ask myself this question about my belief in God?
If I think scientifically, believing in God gives an internal psychological support, that there is someone to help you always. It boosts up your confidence and if their really a god exists then your belief is not waste. It’s always good to be at the safer side, so no harm in believing in God. And I guess this is not the case only with me.

In today’s life people have a mentality not to take any risk and to be on the safe side, so they become superstitious. In my perspective there are two sides in society – one who believe in God and the other one who doesn’t. Very few people are on one particular side, most of the humans are between them, i.e., partially believing in God. People who believe in God (including me) still do the things which religiously they are not supposed to do. Many cases exist. Being a reader of this post, if you believe in God, think what and how many sins you commit everyday it can be anything e.g. their language, food, work ( Karma), behavior etc. Some people believe in God but don’t believe in going to temples and doing such things; they decide their limit on the basis of their convenience because they are not sure about God or don’t have any logic behind this.
This is just my perspective on others. Hope in a few days I’ll be able to answer some of my queries. Let’s see if my perspective changes while writing a term paper.

Please share your views, incidents, or personal beliefs and reasons, so that I can consider all the possibilities and proceed with my research keeping those things in my mind. 

by Abhinav Parashar

21^st April 2007, Mumbai.

It was John’s birthday, so a very special day for Simi. Though she had an exam that day but she did not tell anyone at home about it. In the excitement of his birthday, she passed the whole time in deciding what should she gift him rather than concentrating on the exam, and yet she was confused. Without wasting a minute after the exam got over, she reached home at 4:30 in the evening. She had planned to get back from the birthday party before 9 PM as she knew that her parents would not give her permission to go otherwise.

She went inside the kitchen to tell her mother that she was going to her friend Sherin’s birthday party.

“Mom”, Simi said.

“Hey my dear; did you leave college early today?” her mother asked in a soft voice.

“Yes, actually…”, but before she could complete the sentence, her mobile phone rang.

“I’ll be back in a minute”, she said going to her room. She locked it from inside.

“Where are you, Simi? You promised me you’d be here at 5 o’clock”, John said on phone.

“John, I am eager too to be there with you, but it’d be quite late by the time I’d return, and you know my parents will not allow me to come back late in the night. So first let me convince my mother that I’d be back by 9 o’clock”, said Simi without catching a breath.

“What!!! You mean you will go back before 9??”, John exclaimed with frustration.

“John, please try and understand. I can not stay till late in the night”, Simi said.

“I will not ask you to stay late. I haven’t invited anyone at home so that I can celebrate my birthday only with you. Still if you want to leave early, I will not stop you“, John said in a sarcastic way.

Simi could not speak another word. She did not want to displease him for any reason on his birthday.

“I am waiting for you”, John said and disconnected the phone.

Simi knew her parents would not allow her to stay outside late in the night, and as Sherin lived alone in her flat which was not far from John’s house, she decided to stay with Sherin in the night.

She went to her mother again and said, “Mom, I have an exam tomorrow, so I am thinking of going to Sherin’s flat to study together. I shall return early in the morning.”

“Ok dear, take care”, her mom replied. “But do eat something before leaving”.

“No mom, I don’t feel like having anything now”, she replied. She put on her favorite dress and left home in haste.

6 Months Back:

A pleasant smell brought back his attention from a deep thought. John turned his eyes away from the window to look inside the bus and realized that there was a girl sitting beside him. He could not dare to look at her face. Bus left the stop and John turned to look out the window again.

“Madam, Ticket”, asked conductor.

John did not miss this chance to steal a glance of her face. She was looking impeccable in her white sleeveless and blue jeans. Her dangling earrings were looking perfect with her swept fringed curly hair. He guessed her age to be around 21.

John was a good looking, 25 year old guy. He was the only son of his parents, but he did not live with them even though they were in the same city. His way of thinking never matched his parents’. He started living alone and did whatever he wanted. His freedom was above all to him.

He was fascinated with the beauty and simplicity of the girl sitting beside him. He was looking for any reason to talk to her. Suddenly his gaze fell on her TIME institute bag.

Without waiting for a second he said, ”Hey, are you a TIME student ?”

“Yes, I am taking CAT coaching from TIME”, she replied in a soft voice.

“That is nice”, John said, ”I was also a TIME student 3 years ago.”

“Oh I see. What were you preparing for?” She asked with curiosity.

“I was preparing for GRE during my final year of B.Tech.”, John Replied.

“And what was your result? “

“Hey…don’t ask me about my result. We should not talk about bad things.” And both of them giggled.

“Well…. I am John.”

“I am Simi, and I am a BSc. student in St. Enn’s College.”

“Oh that’s nice. I work as a junior artist in movies and am struggling for a break in leading role.” Said John.

“Interesting; But you said that you were doing B.Tech., so how did you end up in this film line?”

“Ahm! After getting a job I realized that I can not survive in that 10 AM to 5 PM tedious life. I have never been interested in engineering, but I had to do it because of my parents’ wish. It’s been my dream to become a superstar since childhood.”

“Oh I see.”

“So, anyways where are you going?” John asked.

“Jubilee hills, next bus stop, “she replied.

John looked outside and realized that next bus stop is near. He wanted to take her contact but could not muster the courage to do that.

“Do you have an Orkut account?” John asked.

She smiled at him with a look of surprise, and nodded her head in affirmation.

“Yes I do. Search for Simi Nelson, and you will find me. But I don’t use it frequently”, Simi replied.

“Ok, I’ll send you a friend request on Orkut.” said John.

“Sure”, she nodded her head and got down from the bus.

*

Days went by, as they started talking over the internet. Simi found John to be an interesting person. John always showed his affection to Simi which he never did for anyone else in his life. Very soon they became good friends. They started meeting frequently. Simi could not understand that her feelings were changing to love. But John just wanted to spend time with her as a boyfriend. Whenever he used to see boys with their girlfriends, riding bikes, going on dates; he also wished to have a girlfriend. He was not serious for Simi but he did not want to lose her as well, so he used to change the topic whenever Simi tried to talk something serious about their feelings. John knew if he would tell Simi what he felt for her, he would lose her. So he decided to let the relation go as long it could go. Both were enjoying their time with each other. Simi never felt so happy in her life before. She wanted to express her feelings to John. But she wanted John to propose her first. (She used to meet him without telling her parents, cause her parents would not appreciate that her relationship too much).

*

6:30 PM, 21^st April 2007 (John’s B’day evening):

Simi was outside John’s flat. As she was already late, she wasn’t expecting John to be in a good mood. She rang the doorbell but no one opened the door. She was quite surprised to notice that the door was already unlocked. She pushed the door a little in suspicion, and found complete darkness and silence inside. As she stepped into the room, all the lights turned on, a slow music started playing, and John came out of nowhere, walked up to her, took her hand and made her dance Salsa with him. Simi was laughing at the pleasant surprise. She did not expect this kind of a welcome at all. She was feeling like being in seventh heaven. They celebrated John’s birthday. John had already prepared for a candlelight dinner in his house. Simi found all this amusing. After dinner, Simi looked at her watch. It was 11:30 PM. She felt that she should leave before midnight.

“John, I never felt so happy before”, Simi said.

John smiled and said, “Me too, and now let me add to your happiness with some some good news.”

“Oh really!!! And what is it?”

“Mr. Mehra has proposed my name for a leading role in his next film”, he shouted with joy.

“Oh that’s really great! Congratulations John! I am so happy.”

John smiled and said, “It’s my happiest birthday ever and it is all because of you. Thank you, Simi. “

“But still I have not given you your birthday gift.” She said.

“Oh really, and what is it”, John asked with surprise.

“Close your eyes.” Simi said softly.

“OK” and John closed his eyes with a smile on face.

“I love you John”, Simi said in a soft voice. Simi thought it would be the best gift she could give to him.

John could not utter a word, because it was like the end of their relation for him. He could not think what should he do in this condition? Commitment was like irons for him. Before he could not speak anything Simi broke the silence, “I never felt so happy before you came into my life. I think of you all the time.”

She felt a wave full of emotions running from top to bottom in her body. Her eyes sunk in tears. Tears out of sheer happiness. She embraced him. John kissed her forehead, turned her face to his and they stared at each other. In a moment of magic their lips met and then there was a long silence.

They made love that night.

2:30 AM (After midnight):

“John I have spent a great time with you. My family is very conservative. Earlier I could not even think that I would make physical relation with someone before marriage. It’s socially not accepted in our society.” Said Simi very softly by putting her head on pillow from his chest.

Simi was expecting some satisfactory response from John but he did not respond.

“Are you listening to me John”, said Simi with irritation.

“Yeah of course”, John replied in an attentive voice.

“John I’ll commit suicide if you will not marry me”, said Simi.

“Oh come on, don’t talk foolish.”

“No John, I am serious”, said Simi.

“Simi, I love my independence. I don’t want any commitment in my life. That’s the only reason I don’t live with my parents. I have to build my carrier and see my dreams come true. I don’t even want to think about marriage or love at this point. ”, Said John.

“Then why didn’t you think this before touching me?” She sobbed.

“Hell! I didn’t force you to do that. Be practical Simi. Life is not a movie.”

“Yes I am seeing that life is not like a movie.” said Simi with a shaky voice.

John looked at his wrist watch. It was 3 AM.

“Simi I should sleep now, I have an important meeting tomorrow morning.” John said and turned his face to the other side.

*

26^th April 2007:

An ambulance and a Police car outside Simi’s house, her neighbors talking to each other, her bereaved mourning parents, John was looking at all this from inside his car. He got down from his car and tried to find out what had happened.

“Mr. Nelson’s daughter, Simi’s dead body has been found from Bandra beach. She sent an email to her sister, in which she admitted that no one else was responsible for her suicide. She also failed in her major exams. Some of her friends told that some times she got calls from a boy. No one knows what is the exact reason behind suicide.” said one person standing outside her house.

“Oh, I see”.

He turned towards his car and took out a necklace from his pocket. “I’ll miss you Simi.”, he said in his mind by looking at the necklace.

Next Day , 27^th April 2007.

“One beer please”

John was shocked at listening to that voice and turned his face holding his whisky glass in one hand. A beautiful girl in green mini dress with both her hands on the table was waiting for her drink.

“Hey, was it you; who just asked for bear?” John asked with surprise.

“Yeah, why? Is it wrong to ask for a bear?” she giggled.

John was shocked by her voice. It was much similar to Simi.

“No, nothing, sorry”

“Oh, It’s ok. Next thing you are going to say is that my voice is much similar to someone you know. Isn’t it?” She said with a sarcastic smile.

“No, but it does….”

She interrupted before he could complete his sentence, “A very old trick to get girls involved in a conversation.”

“No…, you are getting it all wrong. I didn’t mean that.”

“Whatever…!”, “So whom does my voice match with, anyway?”

“My ex-girlfriend”

“Oh I see. So why did you breakup?” She asked showing some interest in him.

“Well….I left her, because she was not my cup of tea. I want to live my life in my own way.” John didn’t talk more about his ex-girlfriend by noticing that she is showing interest in him.

“Well…I am Christiene”

“I am John, nice to meet you”, and offered his hand.

Then their conversation went on for a long time. Christiene was showing more interest in him and he was quite surprise with her changing behavior. During the whole conversation he could not understand whether it was her voice or her gestures or something else, which kept reminding him of Simi again and again. Two hours passed but none was willing to leave.

“Sir, It’s time to close the bar”, a waiter came and said without waiting for them to stop laughing.

She looked at the watch, “Oh no, It’s too late. My warden will not allow me to enter in hostel so late.”

“Will you mind, if we stay in this hotel tonight?” She said with an alluring smile.

John nodded his head without waiting for a second. “Luckiest evening”, he thought and smiled.

As he closed the hotel room door, Christiene pushed him towards wall and pressed her lips against his. John also showed his interest. About half of minute passed, John started feeling the same when he was kissing Simi on his birthday night. His heart beats began to increase. He opened his eyes and pushed Christiene away by seeing her eyes wildly staring at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” She shouted.

“No…Nothing,” and he poured water in a glass by facing to other side.

“Don’t you like me?”,Christiene said by holding tight to his back and kissed on his shoulder.

She turned John to face her and started undoing his shirt buttons. He was a bit nervous but did not want to miss the chance, so he did not resist at all. He took out the necklace from his pocket which he had bought for Simi and put it around her neck.

Whole night, some of her activities were reminding him of Simi again and again.

Christiene’s eyes were closed and her face was on John’s chest. John looked at his wrist watch. It was 4 AM .

“Christien, let me tell you this. Don’t expect anything from me in future. If you like you can spend time with me. But I don’t want you to expect any commitment from me. ”

She stood and started putting on her clothes but did not respond.

“Are you listening to me?”, asked John.”Will we see each other again?”

She moved towards the door and said, turning her face, “Be practical John. Life is always not like a movie. ” And she left the room.

John was shocked at what she said because he said the same thing to Simi. Suddenly he stood up, put on his clothes in haste and quickly left the room and ran outside. But no one was there. He ran towards the main gate, only two or three people were sleeping on the road-side but he did not notice any movement for a long distance.

He was quite afraid. “No, it can’t be possible. Certainly something is wrong .I must find out what is behind all this happening”, he thought and rode away in his car with a strange fear within.

The roads were empty and he was riding as fast as he could. He stopped the car outside the graveyard. He felt terribly nervous. However he mustered courage, he entered the graveyard walking stealthily. He took out his mobile torch and started looking for the Simi’s grave.

On one tombstone he found-

Simi Nelson, April 26, 2007.

His heart beat faster and his eyes stared the grave steadily.

He looked towards the sky and put his hand on his bumping heart. He was frightened and wet with sweat but still he managed to dig the grave. He was digging continuously without stopping for a moment. His heartbeats had grown very high when he was able to see the coffin. He removed the cover of coffin with a great fear in his heart and focused his torch over the face of dead body with his trembling hands.

Startling at what he saw, he pushed himself backward. He was not able to balance his body and his torch fell down on the dead body. Simi’s dead body had the same necklace round its neck which he put round Chiristien’s neck some hours back. Without thinking for a moment he started running away from the grave like a mad man. He was falling and running again and again but he could not find the end of graveyard.

“Where are you going John!!! “, He heard a hollow voice.

John felt as if his heartbeats had stopped for a while after hearing Simi’s voice. He looked in all directions but found no one.

“You know, I love you John. I won’t let you go away from me.”

“Who is here….Whoooo…!” He shouted.

“You pushed me into the sea. Because of the email you sent to my sister my parents thought that I had committed suicide because I failed in the exam. You know it was an insult of my pure love for you. I believed in you. You didn’t need to kill me, only if you would have asked me I would have done that happily myself.”

“No…No… It must be a dream. I didn’t want to kill you; I just lost my temper on beach. AAA…I called you there to gift the necklace I bought from my first earning. I also love you but….”

“Oh you also love me! A boy who killed a girl for his career is saying that he loves her.”

“No Simi. In deep down my heart I am not happy about whatever has happened. I called you on beach to patch-up. You were lucky for me that’s why I could achieve my dreams. I have made a big mistake. I’ll spend my life alone but not let any other girl take your place in my life.”

“You sent me away John, but I am calling you to me. You don’t need to live alone.”

“Nooo..No… I want to live. I don’t want to die. Forgive me Simi. L…Let me go for God sake”, he stammered.

“I love you John. How can I let you go away from me?”

John stood up and started running carelessly. Suddenly he fell in a pit. For one minute he felt some relief, and then he realized that he is in a grave. His body became immobile, but somehow he turned his head towards the tombstone. He read -

John Smith, April 27, 2007.

He felt that his nostrils were blocked. Suddenly some thing glared in his eyes. By putting a lot of effort he turned his head a little upward. Some girl was standing behind the tombstone and her necklace was glistening. He looked at her face but could not understand whether he was dead or not and closed his eyes. She was Simi.

A continuous irritating sound fell on his ear. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Simi’s face next to him. Still that sound was frightening him. He stood-up with a shock, and saw Simi sleeping beside him. He slammed the alarm and stopped that irritating sound. He looked at his wrist watch.

6:30 AM, 22^nd April.

He looked at Simi and found her looking more beautiful while sleeping. He smiled and stared at her face for sometime, then kissed her forehead and covered her in a proper way with her blanket. By putting his hand on her head he murmured, ”I’ll not leave you, not now, not ever. I’ll always keep you happy. I love you Simi, I love you”.

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